MML2: SU&S Presents: OFF THE SET!!!
by laZardo
Summary: READ THE VERY LAST CHAPTER TO SEE HOW YOU CAN INFLUENCE THE SEASON FINALE!
1. Episode 1, Part 1

Bud-Muncher Productions Presents  
  
OFF THE SET! A MML2: Screw-ups and Shite special!  
  
WARNING. EXPLICIT CONTENT UP AHEAD. PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS SEVERLY RECOMMENDED FOR THE KIDDIES.  
  
All MegaMan and MegaMan related names, Jell-O products, etc. are copyrighted to their respective companies. So don't sue me or I'll cap you brutha.  
  
Bud: Hi. I'm Bud Muncher, and welcome to OFF THE SET, where we BRUTALLY MESS WITH THE LIVES OF the celebrities in the MegaMan Legends series and film their most gruesome moments outside of the studio. There's going to be a lot of weird shite up ahead! You'll laugh when Trigger and Tron realize they've been busted! You'll laugh some more when we watch a gruesome catfight, if you know what we mean. Now to the show!  
  
[Asakusa City, 2000 hrs.]  
[Bud and the cameraman are inside an ACPD van that is tailing a sedan with Trigger and Tron inside.]  
Bud: The ACPD has just been 'tipped off' (by us) to a possible crime, and they've called on us to help them nab the suspects. What's this?  
  
[The sedan makes a left into a narrow alley]  
  
Bud: Looks like they dove into an alley. I like where this is going, don't you?  
  
[Our car passes by the entrance to the alley just to be discreet. The sedan parked in the alley is shaking rapidly.]  
  
Bud: [to camera] Yup, just as we suspected. Let's get ready to bust them. Okay boys, let's rumble.  
  
[Bud puts on a fake cop uniform and follows the cops. All but the cameraman wait near the entrance to the alley. The cameraman, who is Bud's partner-in-crime, ducks just low enough in our van so that only the camera can be seen.]  
  
Bud: On my mark...GO!  
  
[The four cops rush into the alley and surround the shaking sedan. The cameraman follows. It looks like one of those raids you see on America's Most Wanted]  
  
Bud: [acting like a real cop] FREEEEEEEEEEEEEZE! ACPD! THIS CAR IS SURROUNDED!  
  
Trigger: [getting up] WAT DA FACK!  
  
Cop 1: This is the ACPD! Put the condoms down!  
  
Tron: Oh no! They've found us!  
  
[Cop 2 opens the car's back door and points a gun at Trigger who is about to arm his buster gun.]  
  
Cop 2: DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU! DROP YOUR WEAPON NOW ASSHOLE!  
  
Cop 3: YOU, WITH THE BRA ON! GET OUT OF THE CAR AND LIE FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND! DO IT!  
  
[Cop 3 grabs Tron by the leg, pulls her out of the car, and pins her to the ground face down.]  
  
Tron: WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!?  
  
Bud: Tell you what, biotch, YOU'VE JUST BEEN BUSTED! TAKE THESE LOWLIFES TO THE VAN!  
  
[Cop 3 handcuffs Tron while Cop 2 pulls Trigger out]  
  
Cop 1: Oh god, the seats are soaked in something!  
  
Bud: DAMN IT! How much sicker can they possibly get!?  
  
[Suddenly, Trigger makes a break for it down the alley]  
  
Bud: SHITE! GET HIM BACK HERE! Get the bitch into the van while we take care of this scumbag.  
  
Cop 3: Yes sir. Little missy, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.  
  
Tron: I AM NOT LITTLE!  
  
[Cop 3 shoves Tron into the van while Bud, Cop 2, Cop 1, and Cameraman pursue Trigger down the alley. Eventually Trigger reaches a dead end and surrenders after a quick gunfight slightly injures Cop 1. Cop 2 and Bud restrain Trigger while Cop 1 struggles back into the van.]  
  
Bud: Looks like another one bites the dust...  
  
Trigger: SCREW YOU COPPA!  
  
Bud: Hey hey hey! Shut your trap. You know better than to fight the law! You're going down hard, asswipe!  
  
[Later in the van.]  
  
Trigger: LET US OUT, DAMMIT!  
  
Tron: Yeah! We haven't done anything wrong!  
  
Bud: Oh yes you have! You've had the bad fortune to be caught on camera by OFF THE SET!  
  
Trigger: OFF THE SET? What the hell is that?!  
  
Bud: Only the sickest things we pull on cast members of the new MegaMan Legends movie! We hired these cops to bust you!  
  
Tron: Shite! You won't get away with this!  
  
Bud: I already have! :-)  
  
Trigger: Hold the phone! ...how did you find us!?  
  
Cameraman: Let's just say a little, brown monkey told us, eh?  
  
[Bud, the cameraman, and the Cops all enjoy their 'suspects' misery]  
  
Trigger & Tron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DATA! O.O  
  
[Back in the studio]  
  
Bud: Trigger and Tron were released from the nearby cop station the next morning in time to continue filming their movie. Boy were they pissed when we locked them in separate cells! Our next little prank happens in the supermarket, where we've managed to track down one familiar Jell-O loving freak!  
  
[Local Supermarket, yesterday, 1600 hrs.]  
[Security Camera just above a Jell-O aisle. Somebody is making a monster purchase.]  
  
Bud: The pink-haired floater shoving all that Jell-O into his cart is MegaMan Juno, a sorta-well-known actor and a compulsive-obsessive Jell-O freak! He stops here everyday to shove at least 50% of the Jell-O products here into his carts. Tomorrow, we'll get the jump on him.  
  
[Same camera, same place, 1600 hrs today. The Jell-O aisle is almost empty except for one little box on in the middle of the shelf. An average-looking dude is taking the box.]  
  
Bud: Earlier today we asked the store people to hide all the Jell-O except for the little box you see there. You see that average citizen taking that last box? That's one of our pranksters setting Juno up for the trap! Why look! Here comes our little victim now!  
  
Juno: OI! THAT'S MY JELL-O!  
  
'Citizen': No way, mac! This is my box now! If you want Jell-O so bad, go to another store!  
  
Juno: This is the only store that stacks my favorite flavor of Jell-O! Gimme that! XO [lunges at 'Citizen']  
  
'Citizen': [dodges and Juno rams into one of the empty aisles] WHOA! Man, you're hooked on this shite, aren't you!  
  
Juno: [glowing red eyes] GIVE.ME.JELLO.NOW.  
  
'Citizen': I've got the goddamn Jell-O and there's nothing you can do about it. So there.  
  
Juno: [now glowing red] GIVE IT NOW. DON'T MAKE ME REINITIALIZE YOU.  
  
'Citizen': Yeah right, like you're gonna pull a little laser on me! [shaking the box in the air and laughing] Oh, look! I'm so hooked on this stuff I'd kill for it!  
  
Juno: You're absolutely right. I would kill for it! [fires a laser at the 'Citizen']  
  
[The 'Citizen' uses the box of Jell-O as his shield. The Jell-O box is toasted but the 'Citizen' is mostly okay, coming out with only some very minor burns on his hands.]  
  
'Citizen': GADDEMET That was close! Ewwww...[drops the fried box like a hot potato] I'm not buying this! Man, you're crazy! [leaves]  
  
Juno: [floats over to the box and looks down on it, sobbing] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?!  
  
[This moment freezes into a well-known Max-Payne Screenshot]  
  
[Back in the studio]  
  
Bud: Touching. Security would later restrain him and lock him up for assaulting a citizen. We gave him the bad news in the station, and after he severely injured an officer there as a reaction, he was sent to the local Jell-O Anonymous where he currently undergoes treatment. We'll get to a break now, but when we get back, we'll have more mischief than you can shake your middle finger at!  
  
[CUT TO COMMERCIAL! END OF PART ONE.]  
  
This show was brought to you by StarBoobs Coffee. Simply the Creamiest. ;-) 


	2. Episode 1, Part 2

MM2SSS Presents: OFF THE SET!  
Ep 1, Part 2  
  
[The following commercial was ripped off the Chatterbox dialogue in GTA3 like you would an MP3 of a CD.]  
  
Male Voice: "Coming soon...the TV event that will make history...MML2SSS: Gauntlet! This takes reality TV to a whole new level! We'll take the MegaMan Legends cast, equip them with the most powerful weaponry we can get our hands on, and let them hunt each other down across the pacific!! It's the reality show where YOU just might be part of the action!!"  
  
Man: [really bashed up] "I was grabbing a bite to eat at Bonne Burger, and all-of-a-sudden two guys crashed through the window and started shooting at each other! I was so excited, I didn't even notice my leg had been blown off!! After that, I was hooked on Gauntlet! I watch it every day in the hospital, as well as during my therapy sessions!"  
  
Male Voice: "The game doesn't end until there's only one man left standing!! Tune in at KTOX-TV at 8/9c, or wait until Bud writes it onto FF.net! MM2SSS: Gauntlet!! Natural selection has come home!!  
  
[Play Survivor theme - we-eh hori hori hori gaaah eh-no hori hori se-ba...]  
  
[Back from commercial break]  
  
Bud: Welcome back to OFF THE SET! If you're just tuning in now, here's a recap of what just happened!   
  
[shows clips from previous episode]  
First, we found our hero Trigger giving Tron a hummer, if you know what we mean. And we busted them good!   
  
Then, we literally drove MegaMan Juno insane by denying him the one thing he loves more than anything else in the world! But enough mild stuff, let's get down to what really matters!  
  
Do you know where Tron REALLY gets the weapons she and the Bonnes need to fight with? Well, the director doesn't supply them, hell no! They get dirty to get their weapons, and we're gonna follow them outside the law to find out just how dirty they got!  
  
[A big military display room, late at night. Camera is a hidden security camera planted there by OFF THE SET!]  
  
This appears to be one of the most deadly weapons the CIA holds inside its locked doors: a Federal Arms SL-220-X, a.k.a. the Shining Laser. We've got permission to put it in this small, confined room under the most advanced close-range security systems ever built. When we switch to infrared mode, we see those special lasers guarding the pedestal where the SL-220 lies, and a weight sensor to detect even the minutest change of weight in the room. Moving the camera up there is a voice sensor, that will raise an alarm if anything higher than a whisper is heard inside the room. Oh, look! There's a vent on the ceiling! I wonder where I saw this before, eh?  
  
[The vent is removed, quietly.]  
[Turning up sound sensitivity on the camera above security levels you can hear a few people speaking softly.]  
  
Voice 1: Are you sure this okay?  
  
Voice 2: I don't want to get arrested.  
  
Voice 3: [softly] Will you just shut up and let me down slowly!  
  
Voice 1: Yes...Miss Tron.  
  
[Tron, wearing one of those nifty spysuits those female spies wear in Half-Life, is hanging from a rope suspended from the ceiling. Her feminine flexibility allows to slip through the narrow gaps left by the lasers, despite her wide hairdo.]  
  
Tron: Almost there...[slowly reaching for the Shining Laser]...Just a little lower...  
  
[meanwhile in the control center...]  
  
Bud and CIA Team: [watching the security camera] Almost there...Just a little lower...  
  
[Tron touches the shining laser]  
  
Bud: NOW! [hits an alarm button on the control panel just below the screen]  
  
[Alarms ring off]  
  
Tron: DAMNIT!  
  
Servbot 1: [panicking] Oh no! Miss Tron!  
  
Servbot 2: [ditto] What do we do!  
  
Servbot 1: RUN! [lets go of the rope]  
  
Tron: AAAAAGH! WHAT DID YOU DO! AAAAAA! [Falls to the floor]  
  
[Bud and the CIA Team bust down the door to the display room while Servbots 1 and 2 bolt down the vent shaft they came from]  
  
CIA Officer 1: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEZE PUNK!  
  
Bud: Hold it right there, little missy!  
  
Tron: [being restrained] You again!  
  
Bud: That's right, little missy, this time I've joined the CIA AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!  
  
CIA Officer 2: [restraining Tron] Yeah, bitch, you're going down!  
  
Tron: DRAT! And I almost had that shining laser, too!  
  
Bud: What shining laser? [takes the shining laser and breaks it in two easily. It turns out it was just porcelain.] Looks like you came all this way for nothing, pal! Take her downtown, boys!  
  
CIA Officer 1: Yes sir! [drags her out]  
  
CIA Officer 2: Another one bites the dust!  
  
Tron: NOOOOOOOOO! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! O.O [is forced into a black Ford Crown Victoria]  
  
[back in the studio]  
  
Bud: Tron fell for the prank hook, line and sinker! We raised the bail on her so high her brother had to sell most of her inventions to raise half the money! And he stole the rest from some town somewhere...  
  
Our last flick tonight will introduce a new concept to the show...we call it OFF THE GAME! We hunt down one of Trigger's alter-egos and screw THEIR lives up! For our first OTG we'll head into cyber-space, home of MegaMan.exe!  
  
[Cyberspace]  
[A lone figure is patrolling the information superhighway...on foot.]  
  
That boy there is none other than our hero, MegaMan.exe. Using our NetTracker (that came prepackaged with our copy of XP) we were able to monitor his actions. Now we can set up the perfect trap. To do this, we invited a friend of ours from Southeast Asia, Domingo Gutierrez! (Real name not to be given for security reasons)  
  
[Real world]  
Domingo: [face is censored] Hi, I'm Domingo, and I'll be playing the nastiest prank on MegaMan.exe the world has ever known.  
  
[Cyberspace]  
M.E (short for Megaman.Exe): Hey, Lan! Do you see that?!  
  
L: [heard in M.E's helmet] Yeah, I see that. What's a car doing in cyberspace?  
  
[A White New Beetle is just sitting there a few bytes from M.E]  
  
M.E: It's such a cute car...[begins to be drawn towards it]  
  
L: Don't go any closer! It could be a trap!  
  
M.E: [hearts-for-eyes] I can't...It's so beautiful!  
  
[Real World]  
[Bud is watching Domingo work his magic on the computer]  
Bud: Do you think he's falling for it?  
  
Domingo: [face still censored] Yeah, we're almost there...  
  
[Cyberspace]  
[M.E is getting into the New Beetle]  
  
L: My virus-scanner is picking up something real big at your position! Get out of there!  
  
M.E: [now totally seduced] All right...I'll drive this car!  
  
L: Wait a minute, THAT CAR IS THE VIRUS! GET OUT OF THERE!  
  
M.E: Really? Let me see...[starts up the 'engine']  
  
[Real World]  
[Bud and Domingo have their fingers crossed]  
Bud: Now?  
  
Domingo: NOW.  
  
[In cyberspace, The New Beetle, aka the Love Bug Virus, explodes, taking MegaMan.exe with it. What's left of him is bits and bytes all over the web.]  
  
[Domingo and Bud, applaud...with the production staff.]  
  
[Later...]  
  
Bud: We got away with the act clean, thanks to a good lot of bribe money. Let's hear a round of applause for Domingo, who is not here right now because he's in hiding!  
  
[Big applause]  
  
Well, that's it for tonight! I gotta go feed my pet cadaver! Bring out the dancing lobsters!  
  
[END] 


	3. Episode 2, Part 1

OFF THE SET! EPISODE 2 PART 1  
  
[As I slowly hold my breath, I start to die a lonely death, you and me, all the rest so far away...]  
  
Bud: WASSAP! It's me again, and this time we're back with more of the shit you love! Let's get on with our first clip, on a portion of a show we call BUSTED!  
  
[Club Fontana, Fort Bonny, You-know-where.]  
[A blonde-haired Aryan bastard and a biotch with a hairdo wider than a B-747's wingspan are dancing on da floor.]  
  
You see that couple? That's Glyde trying to have an affair with Tron. Let's see what develops, shall we?  
  
[Somebody is barging through the crowd knocking some other couples to the floor.]  
  
That's Trigger storming through the other dancers to reclaim what was once his.  
  
[Trigger reaches the center of da floor, where Glyde and Tron are. He is fuming mad.]  
  
T: Oi! Gimme my Tron back!  
  
Tron: O.O Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing here!  
  
G: Yeah, man! We're trying to dance here. Get away from us and chill, okay?! You look like you could snap at any moment!  
  
T: Snap, eh?! [grabs Glyde in a Darth-Vader chokehold] Look, asshole. Tron is my girl. You stay away from her OR ELSE!  
  
Tron: Trigger, Glyde! Can't you settle this in a gentlemanly manner?! Don't make me look bad!!  
  
G: Or else what, Blue-Bastard!?  
  
[The sound of a silencer is heard. Glyde is suddenly calm, his eyes wide open.]  
  
Tron: AAAAGH! YOU DIDN'T?!  
  
G: [blood dripping from mouth] Ohhh...yeah...now you gonna pay...  
  
T: You first.  
  
[Trigger drops Glyde to the floor. Glyde's been shot through the stomach by Trigger's silenced Walther PPK. The crowd gathers around the corpse.]  
  
Dancer 1: Oh my God. What did you do to him, man!?  
  
T: I was only trying to get my girl back.  
  
Tron: But why?! ...WHY?!  
  
T: Hey, I wouldn't have done it if he wasn't having that affair with you.  
  
Tron: SAY WHAT?!  
  
DJ: [through mike] SHIT! There's a dead body on the floor! Somebody get security!  
  
Dancer 1: I'll get him.  
  
T: Now, Tron...where were we!?  
  
[Trigger is menacingly advancing towards a scared Tron]  
  
Tron: Trigger...don't get any closer!  
  
[Just then Trigger is beaned on the head by a steel baton. He falls to the floor beside Glyde's body, eyes rolled back. Stage Guy 1, AKA the club Bouncer, wields the weapon.]  
  
Tron: Aren't you...  
  
SG1: Yep...  
  
Tron: What about...  
  
SG1: Don't worry...he's just unconscious. He should awaken by the time the police arrive.  
  
[silence]  
  
[Tron leaps in SG1's arms]  
  
Tron: MY HERO!  
  
[the crowd applauds and the dancing continues]  
  
[Don't say I told you so...one thing you'll never know...]  
  
[back in the studio]  
  
Bud: Glyde spent 6 weeks in the hospital, and Trigger got 20 for attempted murder. However he was released after 1 year for good behavior!  
  
You remember that 4-piece floater Juno, don't you? Well, he was released from JA a week ago only to be hooked to another obsession: Chocolate Frozen Yogurt! And he'll still go to any length to get them! So, we're gonna bust him again just for the fun of it!  
  
[MaxiMart, Highland City. 2000 hrs.]  
  
[Juno makes his way to the Chocolate pudding aisle]  
  
That's Juno near the overstuffed aisle. Watch as he actually SHOPLIFTS all the delectable desert treats!  
  
[Juno opens up a panel on his body and begins to stuff the supply of Chocolate Frozen Yogurt boxes through the panel]  
  
Now, as he was doing that, we installed a new store detector by the exit of the store. Watch what happens as he tries to exit.  
  
[A shivering Juno passes into the detector. The frozen yogurt is making him cold.]  
[BEEP BEEP BEEP!]  
  
J: What the hell?  
  
Bud: Now, here comes our security guard!  
  
Security: Okay, son. Let's see what you got there.  
  
J: I-I-I-I-I- got nothin' officer! [shows his hands]  
  
Security: Oh yeah? [eyeing the panel that's bulging from all that yogurt] Well, let's see what you got IN there!  
  
J: Oi! D-d-d-d-don't look in there you p-p-p-perverted bastard! W-w-w-what I got in there is u-u-u-used for r-r-r-religious purposes o-o-o-only!  
  
Security: [mocking] Y-Y-Yeah right. NOW OPEN UP! [Grabs the panel and forces it open.] Now what have we got here!  
  
[As he lifts his head up to look at Juno's face he's blasted by a laser pulse out the store window.]  
  
J: Y-y-y-you're not getting my y-y-y-ogurt! [He forces the panel shut and escapes through the madly-beeping detector. The condensation on his metal body is dripping off.  
  
Security: [into his radio] uggghh...we got a shoplifting incident...maximart...juno...ugggghh [faints]  
  
[Juno heads off down the sidewalk, leaving a trail of condensation drip behind him.]  
  
J: [laughing and shivering] YOU'LL NEVER G-G-G-GET ME! AAHAHHHAH *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH*!  
  
[You're not the same, you've changed, I don't need you anyway...]  
  
[back in the studio]  
  
Bud: He may have escaped the store but he wasn't able to escape the cops who followed the trail of water to an easy arrest. As of now he's trying to appeal a court sentence that landed him in the FYA the following week!  
  
Now, before we get to a commercial break, It's time to tell you where we get our videos! Aside from Data we also research hard on getting the low-down on our heroes'/villains'/stage crew's daily life!  
  
[shows Bud staring at one of NS's stories on FF.net, once again no offense to her]  
  
When we get back from commercial we're gonna pull a nasty prank on Zero from the X series! But first a word from our sponsors!  
  
[You're not the person, who I believed in yesterday...]  
  
OFF THE SET! was brought to you by POT Comics (TM). 


	4. Episode 2, Part 2

OFF THE SET!  
  
Episode 2, Part 2  
  
Those of you who want to see Bin Laden dead are encouraged to read on.   
  
To all Islamic readers, the references to Allah in this episode are not used in a bad way. Besides, terrorists claim they're part of His cause, when they're really not.  
  
[Commercial ripped from same source as Episode 1 Part 2. Don't sue me or I'll shoot you bitch.]  
  
Kid: "Mom, there's a package for you."  
  
Mom: "But I didn't order anything! [opens door] What's this? How sweet!"  
  
Data: Eeek Eeek! (translation: Hi there, I'm a monkey!)  
  
Mom: "Gee whilikers, it's a cute little puppy!"  
  
Data: Eeek Eeek Eeek! (translation: I'm not a puppy asshole!)  
  
Announcer: "Everybody loves a puppy! And now you can ship one anywhere, just by logging on to UPetService.com! UPetService.com delivering little bundles of love in a box directly to your door."  
  
Data: Eeek Eeek! (translation: I said I'm not a goddamn puppy!)  
  
[Back to the show!]  
  
Bud: And we're back! Coming up on the show, Zero gets pranked really bad, but first a little hacking madness!  
  
[Geetz and Gatz dragon form are cruising over Afghanistan]  
  
One fine morning in September 2001 Bin Laden tried to bring America down by bringing the Twin Towers in NYC down. Now we're serving up some good-ol'-fashioned American revenge by doing the same to him, only in HIS territory! So, we invited our good friend Domingo back for another hacking spree!  
  
Down there is his last (open) stronghold, where Osama's managed to acquire some nuclear weaponry. Using the latest in satellite GPS technology we were able to sent Geetz and Gatz there for 'recon.' Little do they know what we've got in store for them and our REAL unsuspecting victims below!  
  
What follows is a compiled radio transcript of the events that occurred on and above ground, in Afghanistan and back. All Terrorist voices are translated for convenience.  
  
Geetz: You see the camp down there?  
  
Gatz: Affirmative, bro. Looks like we've got ourselves the last stronghold.  
  
Geetz: Coordinates recorded. Let's go back to base.  
  
Gatz: I'd like to do that but I can't move!  
  
Geetz: What the hell?! Me neither!  
  
Gatz: [frantic] I'm going down! Damnit gimme something to transfer into!  
  
Geetz: [ditto] We can't do that! We're locked in by some unknown force!  
  
Domingo: Altitude 10000 feet and dropping.  
  
Bud: How much longer till they hit?  
  
Domingo: Doesn't look like more than a minute.  
  
Bud: Good. I want this to be a quick and painful death for that bastard Bin Laden.  
  
Terrorist 1: We have American missiles closing in on our location!  
  
Terrorist 2: Damn. They found us! Give orders to evacuate. I'll ready the defenses!  
  
Terrorist 1: Allah protect you.  
  
Geetz: [like a fighter pilot struggling] Gotta...pull...up...  
  
Terrorist 1: The American missiles are too fast! We must evacuate!  
  
Terrorist 2: I gave the order. It'll be at least an hour.  
  
Terrorist 1: DAMMIT! That's too long! Get everyone out now!  
  
Terrorist 2: All right.  
  
Gatz: [like Geetz] Must...break...free...  
  
Domingo: 5000 feet and falling real fast now.  
  
Bud: Almost there...almost there...  
  
Domingo: 4000 feet...  
  
Terrorist 1: Those aren't missiles! They're not even American!  
  
Terrorist 2: They're birds sent from Allah to destroy us all! Run for your lives!  
  
Terrorist 1: Are you mad! What if they're here to give us our divine reward!?  
  
Domingo: 3000 feet, looks like they're trying to break free from their dragon forms!  
  
Bud: They won't do it. I know they won't.  
  
Domingo: 2000 feet...1000 feet...500 feet...  
  
Geetz: Are those nukes?!  
  
Gatz: I don't wanna be a mutant!  
  
Geetz: Wait! I think I found a way out!  
  
Gatz: Hurry and let me out too!  
  
Terrorists 1 & 2: AWWWWWWWW SHIT.  
  
[The first few milliseconds of a big explosion is heard, then radio cuts off to interference. Then...]  
  
Bud: Did they hit?  
  
Domingo: Yep.  
  
Bud: ...YES! WOO HOO!  
  
[Applause heard in background]  
  
[Present day, in Studio]  
  
Bud: Sadly, it turned out Bin Laden was in Pakistan at the time, but fortunately his dreams of nuclear conquest are shattered, and his army and closest friends were wiped out in the explosion. As for Geetz and Gatz, they were able to leave their dragon forms just before impact. 2 hours later, 2 Predator UAVs were reported stolen from Kandahar Airport.  
  
Once again, we'd like to extend our thanks to Domingo, who is in hiding again.  
  
Now, it's time for OFF THE GAME! The portion of the show where we play nasty pranks on Trigger's non-Legends alter egoes and his friends! On this OTG we head to Future City Nevada, home of the Maverick Hunter Headquarters.  
  
[Future City, Nevada]  
[Maverick Hunter HQ, Zero's room]  
[Zero is in the (detox) shower, door closed, while his armor is on his bed. His saber is on his 'dresser.']  
  
See Zero's saber on the little dresser? That's gonna be the source of the prank.  
  
[A janitor Reploid enters Zero's room.]  
  
We hacked into the lock and let the janitor in with our special 'Trick Saber,' which is actually a dil...um...trick saber, i guess! Now, watch what he does with the saber there.  
  
[The janitor replaces the Zero Sabre with the Trick Sabre, hides the original in his bucket, under the mop, and is about to exit when...]  
  
Z: [coming out of the shower wearing a towel] HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!  
  
Janitor: Sorry, ma'am, I was just...  
  
Z: MA'AM?! DID YOU JUST FUCKING CALL ME A MA'AM?!  
  
Janitor: Um...no sir! I was just cleaning and...  
  
Z: YOU GET OVER HERE AND SAY THAT IN MY FACE ASSHOLE!  
  
Janitor: AAAGH! RUN! [bolts out the door, carrying the bucket and mop over his shoulder]  
  
Z: AND STAY OUT YOU SICK FAG! [slams the door shut] Jeez, some people...  
  
Bud: Let's fast forward to training! Remember, Zero doesn't suspect a thing!  
  
[Training Holodeck, MHHQ]  
  
[a fully dressed Zero enters with X. Zero is holding the trick saber in his hand.]  
  
Z: [to control panel] Sigma X6 version please.  
  
X: So you gonna try to beat him again, huh? Good luck...*ass*.  
  
Z: What the hell did you say?!  
  
X: Nothing! ^_^ [exits the holodeck]  
  
Z: [behind X's back] Stupid fag.  
  
WARNING!!!  
  
[Holo Sigma appears. Zero gets ready]  
  
Z: All right, Sigma, get ready to EAT LASER! GO SABRE!  
  
[Zero switches on his 'sabre' but instead of a laser coming out, it just vibrates.]  
  
Z: [relaxed] Aaaaahhhh...that feels sooooo goooood...  
  
[Zero doesn't notice Holo Sigma charging up his laser.]  
  
Z: Yeah baby...harder...harder... WAIT A MINUTE! THIS ISN'T MY SABER!  
  
[Zero is blown to pieces by Holo Sigma's laser.]  
  
[Back in the Studio]  
  
Bud: Remember when they said that Zero was gonna be put away for a century for repairs? Now we know why! That sabre was actually a repainted Vibro-Magic Dildo!  
  
That's all for tonight folks! Now go to hell!  
  
[END OF EPISODE 2]  
  
This show was brought to you by Third World Bank. Keeping your weapons safe, no matter the cost. 


	5. Promo Episode

SPECIAL FUTURE EPISODE PROMO!  
  
Now YOU, the reader/viewer/whatever, can request what the hell you want to be seen on OFF THE SET! It's a very easy process that you MAY easily win! ANYBODY WHO KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A REVEIW CAN ENTER!  
  
All you have to do is write a review for OFF THE SET! that contains your name, and what sort of humiliation we can deliver to the Legends Cast! Like this!  
  
(name)Chapter: 5Signed/Anonymous  
(email, optional)  
  
YOUR REQUEST HERE!  
  
  
4 lucky reviewers per episode will be picked to have their pranks played on the unsuspecting cast! 3 for regular Legends, 1 for the OFF THE GAME! And we won't forget to recognize you, either!  
  
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! SEND IN YOUR REQUESTS NOW AND YOU MAY HAVE YOUR NAME ON MY SHOW!  
  
Disclaimer: Should your name be picked I WILL NOT be held responsible if you report me in for abuse. Remember that YOU REVIEWED IT, YOU ENTER IT. 


	6. Episode 3, Part 1

OFF THE SET!  
Episode 3, Part 1  
  
Hi there, it's me again, fresh from the Original Screw-Ups and Shite set! This is a pioneering episode in the history of requested fanfics, because instead of a dull, bland Ask _______ Forum we're ACTUALLY gonna transform our requests into witty, sadistic humor! It's also because I got writer's block from a Spring Break infected with English essays, so don't expect too much for this first request episode.  
  
Our first request comes from Mr. Anthony Bault from...somewhere... He wants to:  
  
...have one of the refractors Trigger picks up be a Rupee from Legends of Zelda and Link comes in to claim it...  
  
Ahh, wise choice, my friend. To accomplish this task we hired Link and rigged a special Reaverbot to deliver Rupees when destroyed instead of refractors!  
  
[this gag filmed on location outside New Delhi, India]  
  
There we see a solitary Reaverbot making its way across a meadow. What's this? Somebody else is plowing through the grass to smite his elusive target!  
  
MM: [leaping out of grass] SAIIIIIIIIYOOOOOOOOH!  
  
[Using his Blade arm he smites the evil Reaverbot]  
  
MM: [victorious] Ha, ha! Another 500 zenny for me! Wait a minute! What are these coins?! These aren't refractors!  
  
Suddenly, out of the nearby bushes comes our good friend Link, brandishing the Biggoron sword and shield!  
  
L: Halt! Let go of these Rupees, you thief!  
  
MM: These are Rupees?! Here, you can have them! [tosses the coins at Link]  
  
L: I won't take them without a fight you nasty miscreat!  
  
MM: What the hell does 'miscreat' mean! I said you can have them!  
  
L: Tough words from the Blue Knight. I WILL SMITE YOU NOW!  
  
MM: WAIT!  
  
L: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAGGH!  
  
Link tries to slash Trigger but his sword is caught in the laser of the Blade Arm!  
  
L: Hmm...your strange sword is formidable, but I shall smite you yet!  
  
MM: I tell you I did nothing wrong! You don't understand!  
  
L: Don't try to fool me with your lies, burglar! Now eat steel! [tries to slash Trigger again]  
  
MM: Stop it! I don't want to kill you!  
  
Two minutes of sword fighting later...Link is crippled...  
  
MM: Now get away from me, before I really kill you!  
  
L: All right, indigo one... you win, and I shall escape...but before I do...[vader style] Know this. Trigger, uhhhh huhhh uhhh huhhh...I am your brother.  
  
[dramatic reverb]  
  
MM: My brother? Really? [drops his weapon]  
  
L: No, not really. I can't back that up. Oh, and you dropped your weapon.  
  
MM: Okay, thanks. [bends down to pick it up]  
  
While he's down, Link leaps into the air, sword raised, and before Trigger can rearm...  
  
L: EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHH! HITEN-MITSURUGI STYLE!  
  
MM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait a minute, where'd you learn that?  
  
[CHAK! Camera footage ceases at that point.]  
[Back in the studio]  
  
Trigger is now in the hospital recovering from that brutal slashing he got. A part of his skull was actually chopped off and his brains got splattered! As for Link, he flew back to wherever he came from 500 Rupees and US$10,000 richer!  
  
Our next request is from Marisa the All-mighty Pineapple! But I think bananas are better...anyway she asks for:  
  
Megaman in his underwear! Or naked! =P  
  
I can see that the fruit-lady has good taste. Where better to see our hero naked than with Tron in the closet! The following footage happened in my own dressing room!  
  
[Bud's dressing room security camera.]  
  
That guy entering is me, right after the recording of our previous episode. I take off my coat, but as I approach the closet to hang it, I hear something very familiar.  
  
Bud: Huh? What's going on? [puts ear to closet door for a few seconds] Ah hah...so that's what's going down, eh? Well, I'll show them.  
  
[Bud gets a two-way radio]  
  
Bud: SD1, this is Bud. We've got a situation in my closet, over. Looks like a really loud double T, requesting immediate clean-out, over.  
  
Security Dude 1: [SD1] Roger that, Bud. We're on our way. Over and out.  
  
Bud: Ooh hoo hoo, this is gonna be fun. ;-)  
  
[A few seconds later SDs 1-3 enter in full SWAT uniform]  
  
SD1: Hey, Bud, where are the perpetrators?  
  
Bud: Just follow the voices, sir.  
  
The 'voices' are emanating from inside the closet behind me.  
  
SD1: Got it. Let's move. [The SDs arrange themselves in formation surrounding the closet] Okay guys, 1 - 2 - THREE!  
  
Now, they slide the closet doors open and...  
  
T: EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YOU PERVERTS! X( [covers her open breasts before the camera can spot them]  
  
MM: AWW FUCKING HELL! STOP POINTING THOSE GUNS AT US! [pulls his boxers back up]  
  
SD1: Jeezus Christ, they're naked!  
  
SD2: Awww, shit! What do we do with them!  
  
Bud: GET RID OF THEM BEFORE THEY GET SOME MORE OF THAT STICKY STUFF ON MY SUITS!  
  
SD3: Yes sir. [to Trigger] YOU THERE! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, FACE UP! [pushes him down onto the ground by his crotch]  
  
SD2: [to Tron] YOU TOO, LITTLE MISSY!  
  
T: WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT?! HEY! [she's pushed down by her boobies]  
  
MM: DAMMIT! Watch the merchandise, dude!  
  
SD1: JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES FOR THE CAMERA!  
  
T: YOU PERVERTED SICKOS! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO US?!  
  
Bud: Smile, guys! You're all on OFF THE SET!  
  
[The SDs smile for the camera while pointing their MP5s at a butt-naked Tron and Trigger]  
  
MM & T: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHH! BLOODY HELLLLLLL!  
  
SD2: Hey! Get your hair out of my face, little missy! I don't think they can see me smiling!  
  
[Back in the studio]  
  
Trigger and Tron were so humiliated by that last incident that they spent the next two months in seclusion just to get away from pointing, laughing fans! Teisel Bonne even sent me a letter CONGRATULATING ME for such scathing footage of Trigger!  
  
Let's go to a break. When we return, we'll see how stupid the cast looks after we play the worst gags on them TO DATE! And, on our OFF THE GAME, it's a joyous family reunion...or is it?  
  
This episode was brought to you by Rockstar! Putting the Joy back into JOYriding!  
  
[Buy GTA3 for PC coming out this May! It's a kickass game!] 


	7. Episode 3, Part 2

OFF THE SET  
Episode 3, Part 2  
  
Is your future safe? Are your investments placed in a secure growth market? What about your children?  
  
You'll be surprised to know that 93% of bank investments are ethical, eco-friendly, and widely open to market collapse. A crash can strike without warning, wiping clean a lifetime of work and saving to destroy your future and the future of your family.  
  
But the people at 3rd World Bank have different ideas. We cash in the growth potential of developing countries, and spread it over a wide range of tobacco, tech and pharmaceutical investments. They grow fast and are guaranteed to remain stable.  
  
3rd World Bank. Keeping your money safe, no matter the cost.  
  
[Back to the show!]  
[Cause you're everywhere to me...]  
  
HI, we're back with more of the torture you want to deal out to the cast of MegaMan Legends! We've been flooded with requests lately, and we've singled out this really solid one from Drago! He wants us to do something REALLY BAD to them! So, without further ado...  
  
[LQ, wherever that is.]  
[September 11, 2001]  
[Yes, THAT September 11. Read on to find out why.]  
We find our gang walking...in normal people's clothes...no armor...into the dark, spooky maze of LQ. They are unaware of what is going to happen to them.  
  
R: Guys, I don't think this is such a good idea...  
  
MM: Quit your whining and come on! What, are you too scared?  
  
R: [yes she is] N-n-noo I'm not! Stop teasing me! ^_^;  
  
Te: Don't worry, sweetie! I'll protect you!  
  
R: You will? Thank you!  
  
MM: Tch. Sissies.  
  
T: Yeah! What he said.  
  
As they go further in...a haze starts to come about...  
  
MM: Don't worry guys, we'll be [VOICES SHRUNK HERE]out of here in...Hey!  
  
Te: [SAME HERE] Ha ha! Your voice is...hey! Mine's shrunk too!  
  
T & R: [AND HERE] Omigod! We're so squeaky!  
  
[Data has his mouth covered like Speak-no-Evil.]  
[Everyone is looking at him.]  
  
MM: Oh, boy! I can't wait to hear this!  
  
D: My voice is not squeaky!  
  
Te: AWW DAMN!  
  
R: He's a robot! His voice isn't affected by the helium haze that surrounds us!  
  
T: Now he can't join in the humor!  
  
MM: Anyways, we've gotta get out of here! I'm getting sick of my own voice!  
  
Te: For once, I agree with you, kid!  
  
Meanwhile, me and Drago headed to Bonne International Airfield and did something you'd never expected us to do!  
  
[AX-4 Airship #1, 0500 hrs.]  
[Bonne International Airfield, North Jersey Shore]  
[All servbots will be denoted by the following: S## where ## is the servbot's number]  
  
S21: Are you sure we can operate this ship? I mean...Tron isn't here! What if we crash?! Or get shot down!  
  
S20: Don't worry! She's dating that blue fellow so I guess we're safe!  
  
S21: Okay! I guess so...LET'S GO! ^_^  
  
S20: Righty-O! Let's take her over New York! Then we can see three states from there!  
  
S21: Full speed ahead!  
  
And so they head off towards NYC with me secretly in the cargo hold. So does another, with Drago in their cargo hold. Only a few minutes later...  
  
[Cockpit of Ship 1]  
[Bud bursts through the door in full Rambo gear, brandishing dual M249s]  
Bud: PREPARE TO BE MISERABLE! BUD MUNCHER HAS ARRIVED!  
  
S21: EEK! IT'S YOU! X(  
  
S20: I remember you! You were the guy who sent #19 under the train!  
  
Bud: Actually, that was Trigger who did that... NOW LIE DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU LIE DOWN!  
  
S21: Yes sir! [drops to floor]  
  
S20: I'm not gonna let you take over this ship! Eat bomb! [brandishes a Servbot Bomb-ball]  
  
S21: NO! DON'T DO IT!  
  
Bud: No, dude, it's EAT LEADEN DEATH, PUNK! EEEEYYYYYYYYAAAGH!  
  
[Bud unloads 50 bullets into S20 turning him into plastic Swiss Cheese with half the control panel. The un-activated bomb drops to the floor.]  
  
S21: Please! Have mercy!  
  
Bud: AS FOR YOU...I've got something special for you! :-)  
  
S21: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! X(  
  
[20 seconds later]  
  
S21: Untie me you mean ol'...  
  
Bud: [working the controls and pasting C4 on them] HEY HEY HEY! Shut your trap or you'll end up just like your friend there! [points to the smoldering wreckage of S20]  
  
S21: *gulp*  
  
Bud: [on radio] Drago, this is Bud, over.  
  
Drago: [radio] I read you Bud, what's the situation!  
  
Bud: Ummmm...I've planted the explosives and set the auto-pilot to Nowhere. How about you?  
  
[Ship 2, cockpit]  
[A Terminator-style Drago is at a C4-laden control panel, surrounded by the piles of nuts and bolts that were 5 Servbots.]  
  
Drago: Let's just say that Miss Tron won't be hearing anything from them anytime soon. You got the parachute ready?  
  
Bud: Yup, let's get out of here before we end up like them. Bud, over and out.  
  
Drago: Roger, over and out.  
  
[Drago kicks open the ship's exit and leaps out. Sometime after he deploys his parachute and lands safely near Verrazano Narrows. Bud does the same thing sometim afterwards.]  
  
We had just completed half our mission and made it out, but then something really tragic happened.  
  
[American Airlines flight whatever. 0845 hrs.]  
Terrorist 1: Are we there yet?  
  
Terrorist 2: Almost there. Go say your final prayers. The Americans will have never suspected our attack.  
  
Terrorist 1: Right.  
  
Terrorist 2: Just a few more seconds and the Second WTC will...WHAT THE!  
  
About here, they spot our two rigged Servbot Ships.  
  
Terrorist 1: THE AMERICANS FOUND US! QUICK! EVASIVE MANEOUVERS!  
  
Terrorist 2: I'm trying to evade them!  
  
Terrorist 1: WAIT! YOU TURNED THE WRONG WAY!  
  
Terrorist 2: OH SHIT!  
  
[Camera gets disabled here]  
[Back in the Studio]  
  
Yes, that was a very tragic day. Bin Laden was so pissed that he sent three more planes to try again and sadly, he succeeded with two of them, while the third was averted from greater disaster at the cost of the lives of the evil terrorists and the great men and women who tried bravely to stop them. As for the airships, they disappeared near Shanksville, Pennsylvania...  
  
AMERICA FOREVER!  
  
Now back to what matters here. The next day...  
  
[Sept. 12, 2001. 0900 hrs.]  
[LQ]  
[And when I close my eyes, it's you I see...]  
We tracked down our friends to the LQ maze. It appears they are getting out of the frying pan, and into the fire...  
  
MM: *exhausted* Oh BOY am I glad to be out of that hell hole.  
  
Te: You and me both brother.  
  
T: Now what?  
  
MM: I think I need something to get my energy back. I KNOW! [leaps onto Tron and makes out with her]  
  
Te: JESUS CHRIST! THIS IS TERRIBLE!  
  
T: No, it's a move I learned in the Karma Sutra, stupid!  
  
R: Well, in that case... COME HERE TEISEL! [leaps onto Teisel and does the same]  
  
Bud: [in nearby bushes, 2-way radio] YOU ready on your side Drago? [arms something]  
  
Drago: [in other nearby bushes, same type radio] Roger that, buddy, let's get ready to roll!  
  
Bud: This is gonna be great!  
  
MM: [putting his clothes back on] Do you hear something suspicious?  
  
T: [same] I think it sounds like someone's in the bushes!  
  
Te: [ditto] It's probably Bud again. OKAY BUD, GAME'S OVER! COME OUT WITH YOUR CAMERA UP!  
  
Drago: [leaping out of bushes with paintball gun] GUESS AGAIN LOSERS! AHAHHAHAH!  
  
T, Te, MM, R: NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Drago starts firing and all heck breaks loose! Look at the colors! After 4 wasted paint cartridges, our 'heroes' are all on the ground, screaming for mercy!  
  
Drago: HAD ENOUGH YET!?  
  
T: *Sobbing* YES! YES! STOP IT! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!  
  
R: *same as Tron* NOTHING COULD BE WORSE THAN THIS!  
  
Bud: [stepping out of bushes] Except THIS! Now you're gonna get it!  
  
T, Te, MM, R: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!  
  
12 cartridges later they were unconscious. Roll was in a coma! But they were so covered with color we could have used them as a gay pride flag! However, we here at BMP pride ourselves for being YAOI- & YURI-bashers, so me and Drago threw them in the nearby river, where they were found washed up near Hudson Bay 2 days later! I thought it would be easy, since all the police had to do was follow the trail of color they left behind!!  
  
[Back in the Studio]  
All right folks, its time for OFF THE GAME! The part of our show where we take our antics off the Legends crew and onto the X and Classic MegaMan set! This OTG is special, though, as we've set up our friend Trigger over to Future City, Nevada for a family reunion with his little brother X! We also paid Zero (he still doesn't know we planted the Dildo-Saber on him last time) to screw it up! Muchas gracias to Mr. Anthony Bault again for the idea!  
  
[Note. Trigger was 15 as of MML2, therefore he was born 1985, making him the oldest sibling]  
[Future City, Nevada, SW of Las Vegas]  
[Maverick Hunter HQ Reception Desk]  
[And everything I know that makes me believe...]  
MM: Excuse me...  
  
Re[ception-bot]: [the I-don't-care gum-smacker gangsta type] Yeah, can I help you kid?  
  
MM: Ummm...Can I see X please?  
  
Re: You got any affiliation with him?  
  
MM: I'm...um...his brother.  
  
Re: Oh, you must be that kid your friend sent here to meet X, eh?  
  
MM: Yeah...My friend?  
  
Re: Goes by the name of...ah, what the heck. I'll call X right down. You wait right here. [leaves desk to get X]  
  
About a minute later, the Reception-bot brings X (in armor) down to the entryway where Trigger is waiting.  
  
Re: Okay, Trigger, meet your 'long-lost brother' X.  
  
X: YOU'RE my big brother?  
  
MM: Yep.  
  
X: But...but you're SMALLER than me!  
  
MM: You remember those Bulls brothers from FF8? You get the idea.  
  
X: FF8? What's that?  
  
MM: Aaah, forget it. Hey, you wanna get a burger or something?  
  
X: Sure!  
  
[Denny's, 2 miles S of MHHQ]  
  
MM: Dammit this steak is good! Hey, I didn't know robots like you could eat!  
  
X: To tell you the truth, we're actually mostly human.  
  
MM: Like Seven in Star Trek: Voyager?  
  
X: Ummm...yeah. Whoever that is.  
  
Z: [coming in] Hey, X! Who's the wee man!  
  
MM: WEE MAN?!  
  
X: He's supposed to be my big brother.  
  
Z: HA! No way! He's smaller than you!  
  
MM: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WEE MAN?  
  
X: [to Zero] He says it's like those two bulls in FF8, whatever that means.  
  
MM: [grabbing Zero by neck] EXCUSE ME, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID!?  
  
Z: Sheesh, little man! Cool down! You look like you could kill   
somebody!  
  
X: Hey, bro! Put him down! He's my best friend!  
  
MM: YOU CALL ME LITTLE ONE MORE TIME AND I SWEAR I WILL HAVE THOSE MAN-BOOBS BROKEN!  
  
Z: OI! WATCH THE LANGUAGE, KID!  
  
MM: What!? [mocking] You sensitive about those BREASTS of yours?  
  
Z: Okay, NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! HIYAAAH! [impales Trigger through stomach with saber]  
  
MM: Ugggggggghhhhhhhh...[collapses to floor, bleeding out]  
  
X: [getting up from seat] Hey! Look what you did to my little brother!  
  
Z: Tch. He shouldn't have over-reacted like that.  
  
X: [grabs Zero in headlock] You will go the phone RIGHT NOW and DIAL 911 to rescue my brother or I will PERSONALLY rip your HAIR off!  
  
Z: [worried] NO! Not the hair!  
  
X: Then you're gonna go the phone. NOW! [throws Zero to ground in front of scared diners who are staring at Trigger's corpse]  
  
Z: Man, you're crazy! [heads to payphone outside]  
  
X: I'M WATCHING YOU! [arms big-ass laser]  
  
Well, looks like it's all over for the reunion, or is it?!  
  
Z: [into phone, worried] Bud, it's me, Zero! You gotta help me! X's gone crazy!  
  
Bud: [back in the Studio] Right. I'll send back up right away. First tell me where you are.  
  
Z: I'm in Denny's near the HQ. PLEASE YOU GOTTA HELP ME! X IS ABOUT TO AAAAAAAAAGGGHHH! [cut off, dialtone]  
  
Bud: Hello? Hello? DAMN! [puts down phone] I'm calling 911!  
  
[back at Denny's]  
  
X: [staring at Zero's mangled corpse with clenched fists] NEVER mess with my BROTHER! Or me for that matter but my brother was more important.  
  
Suddenly, the heat arrives!  
  
SD1: [Security Dude] FREEZE! PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN!  
  
X: But I didn't do it!  
  
SD1: I SAID FREEZE OR I WILL KILL YOU!  
  
X: Geezus! [runs for it]  
  
SD1: HEY! COME BACK HERE! [takes off in pursuit in his new Chevy Impala]  
  
[back in the Studio]  
  
X was apprehended by MH Security and deactivated until X7 is released whenever that is. In the meantime, Trigger and Zero were treated for serious laser burn and are still in the hospital as of writing!  
  
Well, folks, that's all for tonight...I guess...and remember, KEEP THOSE GODDAMN REQUESTS COMING!  
  
Coming up in our next episode...we receive an unexpected present from above! And we'll see just how long our heroes can survive the hardest levels Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade!  
  
[END OF EPISODE 3!]  
[I'm not alone...]  
  
This episode was paid for by Bob and George. Faking their identity to use their credit card accounts was easy.  
  
I hate Michelle Branch... 


	8. Episode 4, Part 1

OFF THE SET!  
Episode 4, Part 1  
  
Bud: Hey there folks, Bud here, with more of the shit you asked for! But first we'd like to extend our sincerest apologies to DRAGO, whom we got the last episode's requests mixed up with. We've got some really hot stuff coming up, starting with this thing!  
  
[holds up an unexploded daisy cutter]  
  
Yes, we found this baby in the storage room! It came with this message!  
  
How about we drop a daisy cutter on top of your studio and it doesn't explode until the end of our show?  
  
- TXL, Tri-Wing force.  
  
Thanks, TRAVIS, but you can't send explosives in the mail and get away with it! However, he did send a better request besides the bomb that we read! We put that request into action just last week at the Luxor Hotel in Kattelox Island!  
  
[Luxor Hotel, Kattelox Island, 100 miles NNE of Okinawa]  
[Room 1005, 1600 hrs.]  
  
[It's a two-bed suite. There are two dressers behind the  
  
[Two guys, one in a 007 tuxedo and one in a flashy suit w/ shotgun enter the room.]  
  
The two guys entering the room are me (in tux) and Travis (in armor) and we're gonna play a nasty gag on Trigger and Tron that will leave them filthy-stinking burned when it's all done!  
  
Bud: [softly] You got the soda Travis?  
  
Travis: I got mine ready, how 'bout you.  
  
Bud: Same here. Let's do this!  
  
[Bud and Travis each pull out a can of Pepsi!]  
  
Travis: Right. Let's finish the task and escape before anybody finds us.  
  
Bud: Affirmative. Synchronize!  
  
[They sychronize their watches, both digital Seikos. They proceed to place the cans of Pepsi on each of the two bedside dressers. It takes 5 seconds to do so.]  
  
Travis: Mission Accomplished!  
  
Bud: These drinks are gonna knock 'em dead! Almost!  
  
Travis: Now, let's...  
  
MM: [opening the room door] HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!  
  
T: HEY! IT'S YOU! TRYING TO STEAL OUR WELCOME DRINKS!  
  
MM: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!  
  
Bud: RUN! Gimme your suitcase! [grabs Trigger's suitcase]  
  
MM: Hey! Give me back my fucking suitcase!  
  
[Bud smashes the window with the suitcase and leaps out, falling 10 stories into the swimming pool below.]  
  
You seen that part before in a movie?  
  
Travis: [still in room] STAY BACK! This shotgun kills on instant!  
  
T: [leaps into Trigger's arms] Eeeeek! Trigger, stop him!  
  
MM: I can't! My weapons are in that suitcase!  
  
Travis: I'll be seeing ya! [turns around and leaps out window and falls into pool]  
  
MM: [cradling Tron like baby] Don't worry, sweetie, they're gone. [puts Tron back on her feet]  
  
T: [breathing quickly] I just get so scared sometimes...OOOH! ^_^  
  
MM: What is it?!  
  
T: WELCOME DRINKS! I'M SO THIRSTY! [grabs one of the Pepsis]  
  
MM: [sigh of relief] Whew! I'm glad that's over. I'm thirsty too! [gets can of Pepsi]  
  
MM & T: Cheers :)  
  
[They take good long swigs of the tainted Pepsi. Meanwhile down below]  
  
Bud: [soaking wet, looking into binoculars] That's good...finish it. Finish it!  
  
Travis: Now, we wait.  
  
[And wait, and wait, and wait. 0000 hrs.]  
  
MM: [waking up from a horrible dream] AAAAAAGH! *gasp* MY CHEST! IT HURTS! X_X  
  
T: [same] EEEK! MY BOOBS ARE SHRINKING! AAAAAAAH!  
  
Neighbor: [through wall] OI! Can you keep it down! I'm trying to sleep!  
  
MM: Errrrrrrgh! Must...get...to..bathroom! [falls off bed and writhes in agony]  
  
T: AAAAAAAAAGH! STOP THE PAIN! EEEEEEEEK!  
  
[Bud and Travis are watching from below]  
  
Bud: How long do you think they're gonna go on like this?  
  
T: The pain should make them faint pretty soon. Worst case is, they die out and the plan fails.  
  
We'll fast forward through the incessant screams of pain due to heartburn to the next morning. Some hours into the morning the massive heartburn has caused them to pass out, leaving them sprawled over the bedroom floor close to their beds in pools of vomit.  
  
MM: [opening eyes] Ugggggggghhhh...what happened...that smell...  
  
T: [same, blurry vision] I dreamed my boobs were shrinking...terrible...hey, who are you?  
  
Turns out she's staring straight into Travis's face.  
  
Travis: I'm your worst nightmare.  
  
T: [view sharpening] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! IT'S THAT GUY FROM YESTERDAY AFTERNOON!  
  
MM: OH MY GOD! IT'S BUD!  
  
Bud: [staring into Trigger's face] That's right! You fell for the ol' tainted Pepsi - heartburn trick, hook, line,  
  
Travis: AND SINKER! [pulls a plasma gun on Tron]  
  
[Bud pulls a shotgun on Trigger]  
  
MM & T: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
[Camera from Trigger's point of view has the 007 blood effect. Da da da daaaaaa...]  
  
[back in the Studio]  
  
We pumped so much lead and plasma into their asses that they were in a coma for a month! Then I refused to go out for Pizza with Travis when I found out he loved YURI...BUT ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT! Let's get to the next request! A Miss TRFiD Queen wants us to see how long the cast can stand Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade! And to do that we set up our own little tournament!  
  
[Capcom Nickel City, San Diego, California]  
  
[Tron, Trigger, Roll, Teisel, and Barrell are walking past the front entrance when suddenly]  
  
Announcer: [w/ megaphone] HEY! YOU THERE!  
  
R: Us?  
  
Announcer: HELL YEAH YOU! WANNA BE A WINNER?! THEN COME ON IN AND DANCE TILL YOU DROP AT OUR DDR TOURNAMENT!  
  
T: OOOOOOOH! ^_^ Dance Dance Revolution! I love that game!  
  
MM: What the hell is so good about it anyway?  
  
Announcer: NOT ONLY IS IT FUN TO PLAY, BUT YOU GET TO HEAR YOUR FAVORITE POP MUSIC!  
  
Te: Aaaaaaaaaaand...  
  
Announcer: AND IT'S THE ONLY ARCADE GAME SPONSORED BY OFFICIAL AEROBICS ASSOCIATIONS! SO YOU CAN GET FIT!  
  
Ba: I used to be a disco dancer back in my day...It was the only thing to get the horrible memories of Forbidden Island out of my mind...  
  
R: Okay, Uncle Barrell, you told us about that on our flight here...about a MILLION TIMES!  
  
Announcer: SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! ENTER NOW AND YOU JUST MIGHT WIN A PRIZE FOR DANCING HARD!  
  
T: Oooh oooh ooh! Where's the sign-up sheet!?  
  
Announcer: [puts megaphone down] Right over there by the Daytona USA machines.  
  
T: C'mon, Trigger! Let's do the duet!  
  
MM: Hmmmm...I don't know...  
  
T: I'll make out with you!  
  
MM: YOU GOT YOURSELF A DANCING PARTNER! XD [they dash hand-in-hand into the arcade]  
  
Te: Hey Roll, let's dance!  
  
R: I don't like dancing machines! They're too complicated!  
  
Te: You want to teach Trigger a lesson for when he barged into you while you were in the bathroom, don't you?  
  
R: Ummmmm...Okay! Let's go! [jogs into the arcade with Teisel]  
  
Ba: Hey! Wait for me! [starts walking slowly into arcade]  
  
R: [to Teisel] Let's ditch this "kuso jijii" and get to the signup sheet before he does.  
  
Te: Right. let's hurry.  
  
After signing up, the tournament begins with Tron vs Roll on "Let Them Move!" The Grand Prize is $500 and the chance to meet a very famous celebrity! Second place gets $250, Third $125.  
  
[Start!]  
[Song begins...focus on what Tron and Roll are saying to each other while facing the screen]  
  
T: You're goin' down Roll!  
  
R: Talk to the hand cuz the face don't wanna hear it no mo'!  
  
T: You ain't all that and a bag of chips!  
  
MM: You go, girlfriend!  
  
[Everyone not dancing looks at Trigger suspiciously.]  
  
MM: Oops, sorry.  
  
[Close to the end the insults between Tron and Roll become shorter but stronger.]  
  
T: Tit-sucker!  
  
R: Shit-eater!  
  
Announcer: WHOA! Look at those ladies fight!  
  
R: I'm gonna stop you! HEEYA!  
  
[Roll leaps at Tron knocking both dancers off the Dance Set. Within 10 seconds...]  
  
FAILED!  
  
[Roll and Tron look at the DDR Screen...]  
  
R: It's your fault! If you hadn't started swearing at me, you wouldn't have distracted me and I could've won!  
  
T: ME?! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME OFF THE FLOOR AND MADE US BOTH LOSE, BITCH!  
  
R: YOU'RE THE BITCH!  
  
Announcer: And it looks like Roll and Tron are DISQUALIFIED due to their bad manners!!!  
  
R & T: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Announcer: SHUT UP! Anyway our next dancing duo happen to be Trigger vs Teisel in Chumbawamba's "I Get Knocked Down!"  
  
Yay. This should be good.  
  
[Get ready...START!]  
MM: [singing and dancing] Let's hunt him down, and shoot him in the head...  
  
Te: Stop that!!  
  
MM: And Bomb Iraq to the ground...  
  
Te: Stop singing or ELSE!  
  
MM: Don't screw it for U-S-A...Don't screw it for you and me...  
  
Te: STOP IT! I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!  
  
MM: Now if he does attack, we're gonna drop stack, a missile on Iraq, and get him off our back...  
  
Te: AAGH! THIS SUCKS! YOU'RE GONNA PAY! HIYAAH! [punches Trigger in the face HARD]  
  
MM: OWWWWWWW! [flies off the machine and into a Crisis Zone machine]  
  
Te: YES! I WIN!  
  
FAILED!  
[And if he won't let us look for all his nerve gas, the US Army's gonna come and kick him in the ass...]  
  
Te: WHAT?! NO!  
  
Announcer: Yes, Teisel, you got disqualified for violence on the machine! That means Trigger goes to the next round...if he's okay.  
  
[Trigger gives a thumbs up.]  
  
Announcer: He's Fine!  
  
Te: But that's not fair! He was distracting me!  
  
Announcer: Nobody cares!  
  
Te: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! AND THAT BLUE BOY, TOO!  
  
Announcer: Right...NOW, IT'S TIME FOR THE FINALS, and since we have only one competitor left, NOBODY GETS THE $125 3rd place award, and we'll have to bring in our MYSTERY DANCER!  
  
MM: Uggghhh...  
  
T: Trigger! Are you okay?!  
  
[back in the Studio]  
  
WHO IS OUR MYSTERY DANCER?! Let me put this another way...WHO DO YOU WANT OUR MYSTERY DANCER TO BE?! Put in a request with your choice for a dancer and WHY THEY DESERVE TO BE THE MYSTERY DANCER, and I'll pick the best one! The finals will be broadcast LIVE in Part 2 of this episode of OFF THE SET! with our other two requests!  
  
And now, a word from our sponsors!  
  
[End of Episode 4, Part 1]  
[And now, a trailer for a possible project]  
  
It is 20XX on Elysium...  
  
One robot...robbed of everything...  
  
[Show Trigger (Elysium form) doing the Max Payne scene with a Tron look-alike]  
  
Will have his vengeance on the one who took them from him...  
  
MMT: I'm going to get my revenge.  
  
UC: [unknown character] But nobody can do that to the new Master!  
  
No matter what it takes...  
  
NM: What is your name?  
  
MMT: [in cool X-style mask] My name is Warrior.  
  
Coming this autumn...  
  
A Bud Muncher Pictures Production.  
  
MegaMan Voltner (NOTE! I changed the name so it sounds better.)  
  
Juno Lyracis (I made the last names, don't argue with me!)  
  
Yuna McDonell  
  
WARRIOR  
  
Coming soon... 


	9. Episode 4, Part 2

OFF THE SET!  
Part 4, Episode 2  
  
[Commercial!!!]  
[Show Trigger sprinting through the magnificent halls of a dungeon]  
  
This is Trigger. He can use his excellent firepower and radar skills to navigate through the largest of dungeons.  
  
[Trigger turns and caps a Reaverbot]  
  
He also has the brainpower to navigate through the dungeons, so he can find the fastest route possible to the great reward that awaits him.  
  
[Trigger enters the refractor room and grabs the refractor]  
  
And when we find someone with Trigger's special talent...  
  
[Bud's Security Team enters the room, beat Trigger up, and take the refractor]  
  
We exploit it!  
  
BudEx. We live to deliver (pain, punishment, etc.)  
  
[BACK TO OUR MUTHA-FUCKIN' SHOW!]  
Hey there folks, Bud's back and rarin' to go after a very long delay...for the awesomeness that awaits you!  
  
When we last left our show, it was Trigger versus a mystery competitor to see who could win the $500 reward for first prize in our Dance Dance Competition!!! Before that happened we had to pick our competitor through some...ahem...extensive reviewing. I'm pleased to announce that our most capable DDR athlete is...  
  
...wait a minute...we just got something...OH MY FUCKING GODDESS! YOU MUST SEE THIS TAPE! IT'S GOING TO BE THE HOTTEST WE'VE EVER PUT ON THE SHOW! Trigger, if you're watching, don't switch the channel because it'll put your relationship on the line!  
  
Muchas Gracias to SMUTMUFFIN for this one!!! Actually it wasn't a request but we're suffering from a severe lack of them.  
  
[Flutter, January 20]  
Our roving cameraman Sergei Yukov was aboard the Flutter when he happened to take this amazing footage! HE is now outside the bathroom connecting to the living room and we hear something!  
  
[You hear the sounds of hot sex inside the bathroom]  
  
Sure it sounds like ordinary sex between our two lovers but hell, wait till we open the door! With our famed Bust-em SWAT guys, that is!  
  
[SWAT Guys assemble around Sergei]  
  
SWAT Guy 1: Okay guys, on my mark. One...Two...  
  
SWAT Guys 2-5: THREE!  
  
[They bust open the door only to find...]  
  
SWAT Guy 2: FREEZ-HOLY SHIT!  
  
SWAT GUY 3: OH MY GOD!  
  
SWAT GUY 4: THIS IS DISGUSTING!  
  
That's right, folks, Tron is on the bathroom floor making love with...ROLL?! And all creamy like, too...  
  
R: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! ETCHI!  
  
Sergei: FUCK! THIS IS WRONG!!!  
  
SWAT Guy 1: Where's Trigger!?  
  
T: Please don't hurt us! We were just...um...  
  
SWAT Guy 3: SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE, LITTLE MISSY!  
  
T: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME STOP CALLING ME THAT!  
  
SWAT Guy 5: Whatever, just haul 'em off. Lesbian Sex is so very, very wrong. REALLY!  
  
R: EEK! LET GO OF ME! YOU HOMOPHOBES!  
  
SWAT GUY 2: Hey! Enough of the language!  
  
SWAT Guy 3: Yeah! Just cuz I'm in love with SG4 doesn't mean you have to get so angry!  
  
SWAT Guy 1: What did you say?  
  
SWAT Guy 3: Uh-oh.  
  
Some gunfire later...  
  
SWAT Guy 1: All right. You two are going down. WAY DOWN!  
  
[The 4 remaining swat guys haul Tron and Roll off leaving SG3's bullet tattered corpse all over the floor.]  
  
Tron: YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH SUPPRESSING OUR FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION!!!  
  
Roll: Yeah!  
  
Sergei: [still filming them] Actually, Tron, we're arresting you for sexual-harassment of a minor.  
  
Tron: WHAT?!  
  
Roll: Oh, yeah! I forgot to tell you I was only 16!  
  
Tron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
[Back in the Studio]  
[You get tired of that line, don't you]  
  
Well, it looks like we won't be seeing Tron and Roll for the rest of the season, or any other for that matter, because they're BOTH off to jail for the next 20 years for that offence!!!  
  
Now to announce our mystery dancer! Put your hands together for...  
  
  
DRAGONSAMAX!  
  
  
Now back to our dance contest!  
  
[DragonSaMax and Trigger are on the dance pads]  
Announcer: Rock on, people!!! For our final song...we've got...  
  
Let's Dance by 5ive!  
  
[I hate boy bands, but this following scene will kinda be based on the song's video.]  
  
[They start dancing...]  
  
Announcer: I don't think you're dancing hard enough! Let's try making this harder for you to concentrate!!! BRING ON THE HOT CHICKS!!  
  
[Hot chicks dance in front of Dragonsamax and Trigger]  
  
MM: Aaagh, SHIT! Get out of the way! I can't see a damn thing!  
  
Dr: Eeek! I'm not a lesbian!  
  
[Trigger watches helplessly as his 50-combo is destroyed]  
  
MM: Look, if you get out of the way I'll make love with all of you later!  
  
Dancer: Okay, sure! [all the dancers dance out of the competitors' way]  
  
Dr: Hey! He got to remove them! Why can't I!??!  
  
Announcer: THAT'S BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH DANCING GUYS!  
  
MM: WHAT! NO!  
  
[Some topless guys start to dance behind our competitors! Ewww...]  
  
Dr: Ahhhhhh...that feels much better.  
  
MM: JEEZUS CHRIST! YOU THINK I'M GAY OR SOMETHING!?  
  
Dancing Guy 1: Awww, shut up sweetie!   
  
MM: FUCK!  
  
Announcer: [to sideline guy] I thought you said the dancing guys would ruin them!  
  
Sideline Guy: Apparently not. I've got an idea. GUNFIRE!!!  
  
Dr, T, Dancing Guys: Oh shit.  
  
[Randomly placed gunfire tears up the arcade and slaughters the dancing guys, bullets narrowly missing the dance screen]  
  
MM: Holy crap!! Must concentrate... [65 combo!!]  
  
Dr: Hey, Trigger! Your ass is showing! [70 combo]  
  
MM: Yeah right, dancing bitch!  
  
Dr: WAT DA FUCK DID YOU CALL ME?!?!  
  
MM: Oh, nothing! [80 combo]  
  
Announcer: Now, to top off the song...let's add...RAIN!  
  
[It starts to rain (oddly) in the arcade]  
  
Sideline Guy: Are you sure this rain is a fine idea?  
  
Announcer: We'll be fine! Take it easy!  
  
Sideline Guy: But the electricity...  
  
Announcer: SHUT UP! I ASSURE YOU NOTHING WILL HAPPEN!!!  
  
[Suddenly the rain causes an electric reaction within the dance machine bullet holes that shorts out the machine and deep-fries Trigger and DragonSaMax.]  
  
Announcer: Looks like we have no winner!!!! Too bad!!!  
  
Sideline Guy: I told you this wasn't such a good idea!  
  
[Back in the Studio]  
  
It's a good thing they were hospitalized instead of rewarded, because I was supposed to meet the winner!  
  
Well, that's it for the show! Sorry to disappoint you but I have been getting ready for final exams.  
  
[End of Episode 4...?]  
  
[After the show]  
[BMP Studios Parking Lot, Security Camera]  
  
Bud: [getting ready to open his TVR Speed12] Man, that was fun! I can't wait for the season ender!  
  
[A Jeep wrangler pulls up to the space next to Bud's, and five Von Blücher-type guards step out]  
  
Bud: Um...can I help you gentlemen?  
  
VBG1: Yes. [punches Bud real hard]  
  
Bud: UAAAAAGH! [falls to the floor out cold]  
  
VBG1: All right, guys, haul him into the car.  
  
[The guards toss Bud into the back of the Jeep and drive off]  
  
NEW REQUEST TYPE FOR SEASON ENDER!!!  
Bud's twin brother Rod will be taking over for this episode! Now you have to request what will happen to Bud! Will he die? Or will he be rescued? Or will he just break himself out! YOU DECIDE GOD DAMNIT!  
  
[The REAL end of episode 4] 


	10. Promo Episode 2

SUPER PROMO EPISODE FOR SEASON 1 FINALE!  
  
Announcer Guy from DDR Contest:  
Okay, Bud's been kidnapped. We're gonna do a freakin' shortened-movie parody to determine his fate, starring the MML/2 CAST!!!  
  
AND WE WANT YOU TO CHOOSE THE MOVIE FOR US!  
  
(Please be detailed...other ideas also acceptable.)  
  
Stage Guy 1 will host the next episode, not Rod.  
  
HERE IS HOW TO REQUEST!  
Simply put up a review for THIS chapter asking for -   
  
1. Movie chosen (for parody)  
2. Who's gonna play who  
3. SIGNED PLEASE!!!  
4. You're in it. You can chose a role!  
5. Add some nice plot twists. Please be vague as I'm writing most of this request-style fanfic.  
  
The numbers are priority, not necessity. I may know the plot of the movie...if not I'll see what I can do.  
  
THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE LIFE! 


End file.
